So I'm at Albertson's last night around 11:30 pm. I was standing in line and couldn't help but overhear a fascinating exchange from the people behind me. I was about to tell you that I'm not a judgmental person, but really, that's a load of crap. I'm totally judging them. And I can't believe how much more together I am than them. Really, it's amazing. I'M amazing. And much, much better looking.
Anyway, there are 3 characters in this story. First is grizzled old stinky man, who must have had an off-the-charts blood alcohol content with the way he was slurring his words. Second, the woman with him that would repeat things to him like he was hard of hearing - or maybe it's just hard to concentrate while being that drunk. And third, a young gothish-looking girl, with a mat of unwashed hair, smelling of ashtray.
Old drunk man: Excuse me ma'm? (to Goth girl) Did you just get that done?
(Out of the corner of my eye I see him point to her leg. I gather that he is talking about her tattoo, which is large and garish and smack dab in the middle of her skinny calf.)
Goth girl: Yeah.
ODM: Whoa! What does it say?
GG: "Roll the dice, every soul's got a price."
Me (in my head): Oh my gosh, could that be more stupid.
ODM: That's so cool! Where'd you get it done?
GG: A-line
Lady with old man: SHE SAID A-LINE.
ODM: How much did you pay for it?
GG: $200
LWOM: SHE SAID $200.
Me gasping in my head: You have GOT to be kidding me.
GG: Actually, that's pretty cheap for something this big.
ODM: I know a lady...mumble mumble....charges $150 an hour!
GG: Actually that's pretty common. What was her name?
Much tattoo discussion continues. Old man talks about ones he's planning on getting, lady with him pipes in about her own tattoo dreams. I took a quick glance at her to see what we were dealing with, and she was old and scary and missing a tooth. MISSING A TOOTH. Come on, people, when you're missing teeth and your goal is to get a $200 tattoo, it's time to take a long, hard look at yourself. I mean seriously. $200?? Do you know how many hygiene-related products you could buy with that? I'm pretty sure the answer is: enough.
Speaking of ridiculous people and their tattoos, Mariah Carey got married to Nick Cannon awhile ago and they got tattoos of each other's names to "profess their love" to each other. Why do people not know yet that this is a terrible idea? Don't they remember Johnny Depp's "Winona" tattoo that he changed to "Wino?" Pamela Anderson's "Tommy" that she changed to "Mommy?" Mariah had the right idea - a small butterfly with his name down the center.
Easy to fill in. Good job.
But Nick......
Oh Nick. Really? Professing your "love?" Don't you mean "small brain capacity?" I can't wait to see what he's going to change it to. Maybe Pariah? I'm sure time will tell.
14 comments:
Do people really think that way? I'm pretty sure that if I had $200 to blow it would be on something cool that wasn't a needle burning a lame image into my flesh. Where are the advertisements that sway these idiots?
GHBx2 about the hygiene product buying potential.
Probably the best tattoo I ever saw was in the Dominican Republic. A guy had a tattoo of a guitar. But not like a good picture of a guitar. It was more like a sketch/outline of a guitar drawn by a kindergartner. And on the other arm it said "vino" in poor handwriting. I think he reads this blog too, so.. way to alienate your fans, Mandi.
What is happening in that little picture? How did he get his head that far up her anus?
I don't mind tats, as long as they're in a logical, concealable place. The facial and neck tatooes are retarded, of course.
Sometimes I design a really neat tattoo for my bum. The art usually revolves around They Might Be Giants or comic books. Then I sigh and delete them.
I forgot to mention-the line at Albertsons has been my site for the best overheard conversation of my life. It never happens at Target or Harmons. Albertsons appeals to the weirdest people in Orem for some reason. Pretty much every time I go there, I wind up with a good story.
I wish guitar tattoo guy still read my blog. Tell him I didn't mean it.
I was only 19... I didn't have a brain yet!!!
What is it with albertson's? My fav is the one in provo on center st... all the people that let their kids play in the canal across the street at the park shop there. The whole store smells like ash tray.
That Albertsons was our family grocery store when I lived on Center Street in Provo. Somehow I still think Provo and Orem are all wholesome and Mormonesque, but apparently they have gone downhill significantly since the 60's.
We used to have a guy come to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple and sit in the lobby with his bald head all tattooed in three or four different colors. It seemed so incongruent. What's he going to do, wear a hat? I'm with Paul, if you're going to get a tat, do it on your bum or someplace private, not all over your head.
You're so funny! I have not yet succumbed to dumb but I have a secret tattoo longing. I've even had the idea drawn up, a frog wearing a crown, in honor of all the frogs I'm turning to princes.
I solemnly swear that I won't give up personal hygiene products for my tattoo just the obligatory brain cells.
ok i agree i wouldnt pay $200 for a tattoo or even put someones name on me howefer i have paid $40 to have a puprle heart tattood on the inside of my left ankle ans yes i got it about 6 months after i got home from my mission not the wisest choice but a fun one
Hmmm. Fun Subject! The ones I hate the worst are the ones that show between the low rider jeans and the top....in the pre crack area. Jim's friend said those are called "Tramp Stamps". Love it! However, although I would never get a tattoo, interestingly enough, I have made two friends this past year, two of the nicest people I have EVER met, who are big tattoo fans and have large tattoos across their backs. So...I could never "type-case" people that choose to get tattoos, even if I would never get one. The other day at work I overheard people in an argument, a recently returned missionary arguing with very nice tattoo girl and saying that it is an addiction and he has NEVER met anyone that "can stop at only one". I felt bad for her because she has been so super nice to me as "the new stupid girl who doesn't know anything" and in contrast missionary boy hasn't given me the time of day. Just a bit of tattoo talk there. Thanks for listening.
In the picture with the ginormous mariah tattoo- all I could think of was -why in the crap does she have a sucker in the ocean?- don't you think it would get wet and salty?
Yeah, the huge name across the back is beyond moronic. The thing that bugs me about tattoos is when people act like you shouldn't look at them or feel like people are 'staring' at them. If you've got a big piece of artwork on your body, you should expect people to want to look.
I have a tattoo. I like it just fine.
That picture of Mariah on her husbands shoulders is grosser than gross! Sick. Come on, get some pants on! Actually, I'm really just jealous that her thighs aren't dimpling like mine would...
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