Patch McGillicutty

I know I said I would suddenly do tons of posts and catch up.  Sometimes I say things I don't mean.  Maybe I still will.  This summer kicked my butt.  Maybe I'll post about that sometime.  Maybe not.

Here's something else, though.  I was asked to play the organ for a funeral the other day.  The guy that died was an old guy in my ward.  I recognized his name, but couldn't picture what he looked like.  When I asked for a description I was told that he wore an eyepatch.  It seems like I'd notice someone wearing an eyepatch at church, but this did not help me.  Come to think of it, I don't really know any of the old men in my ward.  Maybe because I'm in the Young Women?  Not part of my demo.

I showed up 20 minutes early to play prelude, which is pretty amazing for me.  I thought I'd have plenty of time to figure out the organ (it's been awhile), but lots of people were already there, so I went into panic-mode and just settled on some weird pre-set stops that weren't overly loud.  This story isn't about my failure as an organist (but I definitely have one of those to share at another time.....). I bring this up because in my panic, I forgot to get a program, which would have been hugely helpful in knowing when I was supposed to play, but also because I wanted to see a picture of the guy everyone was talking about.

Everyone loved this guy, seems like.  His son and daughters spoke, and several of his grandchildren.  They were sweet.  They all reiterated certain themes about this man's characteristics.  He was a perfectionist.  His garage was so clean you could have a picnic on the floor.  His motto was, "If you take care of your things, they will take care of you."  His fridge was 55 years old and still running.  His carpet was 30 years old and still in great shape.  His cars never broke down.  He was adamant about being on time, and actually if you were "on time" instead of early, you were late.  He was up at the crack of dawn everyday and he worked all day long.  He never sat down.  Even at the end of his life when he was not very lucid, no one could make him sit down.  He loved to work.

As I sat there listening, I was thinking, "It's like I have a twin!"  Actually, I was wondering what my funeral would sound like on those same topics.  "She was always late, and I'm talking ALWAYS.  If she was ever on time, it was purely accidental."  "You could have a picnic on the floor of her garage, if you didn't mind sitting on a whole lot of crap."  "She was the absolute best at sitting!   She could watch TV for hours uninterrupted."  So maybe his talents are not my strong suits.  We all have different things we're good at, right?  Actually, a couple kids/grandkids mentioned how he threatened them with his belt.  I can proudly say that I have never done that.  (I rarely wear belts.)  Take that, perfect old guy!

"She was weirdly competitive with old men that have died."

I went home and found a picture of him online.  Still didn't recognize him.  Covered one of his eyes and.........nope, still nothing.  But I want to thank that guy for magnifying my faults and making me sad.  I mean, helping me recognize some ways I can improve myself!  Yay!

Midlife crisis begins now.  :)  :)  :)  :/

Anon M. S.

Wow, it's been awhile.  I think I've forgotten how to blog.  I've had some computer issues, some camera issues, and some not-feeling-like-blogging issues.  But looking through my old posts makes me remember so many things that I would have forgotten, so I realize I should do it more.  I'll probably be attempting the dreaded "blog catch-up."  Like two years worth.  Don't you hate it when people catch up on their blogs?  Me too.  But I feel it must be done.  Get ready for Christmas in July.      

Let's ease into things with some small stuff.  I really can't believe it's the end of the school year.  I feel like I just barely took this picture on the first day of school.

They look so young!  In 9 months they've grown up so much.  It's freaking me out.

On Fridays I go to the kids' school and trade the take home books for Oliver's class.  Today was my last day doing that.  It was also the last day I mentally inserted an "M." as Anon's middle initial.

Well, that's all for now.  Baby steps.

Crazy Christmas Cookie Craftery

Hi.  I guess I'm blogging again.  That last dumb post was my triumphant return, in case you didn't realize.  Don't call it a comeback!  I been here for years.  Rockin' my peers and puttin' suckas in fear.  (That was for you, LL Cool J fans).  I've been meaning to post other stuff, but then I got busy doing a crazy thing.  I saw in a Macey's (grocery store) ad that they were having a gingerbread house contest, with a $500 first prize, and my brain began obsessing about how I HAD to do it.  My brain tends to have a mind of its own.  So I spent the last month planning, checking out gingerbread house books from the library, photocopying and  laminating patterns, testing gingerbread recipes, and pretty much neglecting all other household duties.  I put my all into this project, and was certain that I would at least take home the $100 third prize.  That is until I saw some of the other entries.  And then my spirit was crushed irrevocably.  But that's ok.  I had fun doing it, and I proved to myself that I could do it, and golly gee, winning isn't everything, right?  : /

Anyway, here it is, my glorious Cupcake Cookie Christmas Cottage:

It lights up and everything! ( Jellybean walkway, butterscotch
and cinnamon hard candy windows, Reese's peanut butter cup cupcakes,
cotton candy chimney smoke)

Reindeer

Frosting Trees / Pretzel Logs

Fondant Snowmen

Back

They announce the winners this Thursday.  It will be on display until Dec. 17, so if you're ever at Macey's in Orem, go see it.  And "accidentally" knock over the big castle to the left of it.  j/k  That wouldn't be a very Christmasy thing to do.

Utah County Medium

Rubbing you the right way since 1990

You guys.  I have a gift.  It's something I've known about for awhile, but I wasn't sure if I was just making it up.   Then something happened the other night that proved to me definitively that it is REAL.   K.  Sometimes the name of a singer or band will come to my mind during the day, and I'll think, "Hmm.....I haven't heard anything about them for a long time.  I wonder what they're doing?"  And then that very night, I will see them on a talk show, or Access Hollywood will mention their new album.   WEIRD, HUH.

You're thinking, "Mandi, that's cool, but there must be some explanation.  Maybe radio stations were playing more of their songs in anticipation of their new album and that's why you thought of them?" NO.  I think of weird artists that are no longer on the radio, like Sade.  I thought to myself one day, "Remember Sade?  I kinda liked her.  I wonder why she doesn't make any new music."  And then that night she was singing her new song on Letterman.   Are you getting chills yet?

Well listen to this.  Last Friday, I suddenly thought of one of my favorite songs when I was 17.  It was "Rub You the Right Way" by Johnny Gill.  Anyone else out there a Johnny Gill fan??  I'm guessing no.  But I ADORED him.  So I thought about him several times that day and promised myself to a) put that song on my ipod, and b) look him up on the internet to see if he looks old.  No need to do that last part, because that night he was SITTING IN WITH THE BAND ON JIMMY FALLON!!!!!

I'm a little frightened by this power.  How best to share my gift with the world?  I only want to use it for good.  If you have any ideas, please let me know.

not my best work

It's Teacher Appreciation Week at Cascade Elementary, and all the teachers get their door decorated. For some reason at the beginning of the year, I signed up to do this. I think because April seemed like a looong way away. Mistake.

Anyway, once I got done with it and stepped back to evaluate, I started thanking my lucky stars that this was not for a high school class. I'm pretty sure my poster would be subject to some unfortunate crossing out of words to make a whole new and more interesting sentence.  Whoopsie.

message

Right before bed last night, I listened to our phone messages and there was this one:

There is a missing endangered person in your area.  We are looking for a 48 year old white male, 5' 10" 180 pounds.  He is bald with blue eyes.  He is schizophrenic and has been missing since march 7 at 9pm.  He left his home on foot, we do not know what he was wearing.  If you see him, please call the Provo Police Department.  Thank you.

Well, I hope he's ok, but......(yikes!!)  I kept imagining him at our window.  And then I decided to cross off sleep on my agenda for the night.

Oh how I've missed you.....

Sunday paper.  We haven't been getting the paper for awhile.  For a couple years we were getting it free from my grandma, but then it stopped coming.  No need to concern yourself with that part of the story.  The point is that we were faced with whether we should pay to get the paper again.  We decided against it, since we never actually read it.  The Monday thru Saturday papers were used solely for the crossword, defacing the Buckles cartoon (the stupidest comic strip to exist), and making a protective cover for the table during craft projects.  The Sunday paper was enjoyed the most, as there is an even bigger crossword, the Parade (entertainment news), my beloved coupons, and perhaps the Dave Barry column.  But we decided that even those things were not worth our money.

Anyway, lately I've been looking high and low on the internet for a razor coupon.  I cannot bring myself to pay full price for razors - they are so ridiculously expensive!  The cheap ones cut you to shreds, so you have to buy the nice ones, and if you can imagine the face I make when I balk at something (and I think you can), you know what I look like when I see the price of a Venus Embrace refill pack.   That look is also accompanied by a strong black woman saying, "oh hell no" in my head.  So I haven't bought razors for awhile.

The shaving requirements of men vs. women are really unfair.  Men complain all the time about shaving, but if you compare the square inch area of half of their face to our two legs - almost half of our body - they should feel lucky that that's all society requires of them.  Actually, it's not a requirement at all.  When men don't want to shave, they grow beards - winter beards, vacation beards, icky homeless guy beards......pretty much any reason is acceptable to grow a beard.  It is rugged and manly - a "style choice."  But when a woman decides to grow a "winter leg beard" it is deemed "gross."  Such an annoying double standard!

Ok, it's taking me a long time to get to my actual point.  The point is, we bought a Sunday paper so I could look for razor coupons.  And I forgot what else I have been missing.  The ADS.  Oh, the dear, sweet, ridiculous ads.  I came across a new one that I love.  I present to you, the Magnetic Slimming Panty!

No more lumps and lines!  Just tiny little bumps all over your butt and frontal area.  I already have a slimming undergarment like this that I refer to as my "sausage casing," but never did I think I would find one that healed me, too!   Paul, we need to start getting the paper again.

Speaking of slimming, I am trying to find a way to make me stay on a diet and exercise plan.  I can go hardcore for 2 weeks, but then I do the opposite of dieting and exercise hardcore for several more weeks.  It doesn't really get me anywhere.  I have this book called "100 Days of Weight Loss," and I thought to inspire me, I would put a marker board up on my fridge counting down my 100 days.  Paul decided he would make my numbers even more inspiring:




Can't wait for 97.

PAUL RECREATES A BAD PHOTO!!

Recently our friends Rachel and April mentioned that they were in the mood for a good photo reenactment.  It has been a long time.  It's hard for Paul and I to come to an agreement on which picture we're going to do, as it has to speak to both of us.  I was trying to think of something special to do for these lovely friends of ours, when something immediately popped into my mind.  About 2 years ago, April blogged about her family trip to Texas, and she posted some photos of her extended family playing Thanksgiving football on the beach.  One of her uncles really made an impression on me, and I have never forgotten him.  I hope that April will take this with the love that is inherent in a bad photo recreation.  May I present to you:  Uncle Bruce.

 

"I'm Open!" (to fashion suggestions)

And Paul:

BONUS BACK VIEW

"Hike!" (my garmies to my chest)

Even photoshop is powerless in recreating that pallor:

please help the elderly

Tonight my daughter Maddie (14) was telling me that she thought my last post was funny.  Then she said with sincere concern and a touch of pity, "Mom, do you know how to make a sad face on the computer?"  She thinks that I am 80.  Now where's that darn sadface button.........aw, crap.  Just forget it.  (sadface) (sadface)

hmm.....I can't figure out why.....

I was laying on the couch reading Jackie Warner's book, "This is Why You're Fat," when Paul passed by me and asked, "When you open that book, is there a picture of you eating licorice and cookies?" (Which is what I was doing at the time.)

Ouch. But he may have a point. (sadface)