Sabotage

I'm sort of between favorite hair stylists right now. I liked the last girl that did my hair, but I couldn't remember her name, so when I called to make the appointment I asked if they could look it up in the computer. Nope, the computers were down. "Can you describe her for me?" the girl on the phone asked. "Well, she has short blonde hair.....and......." This is where I hesitated. The last time I had to describe another stylist, I said she was really teeny tiny, with long, blonde hair, and they knew exactly who she was. This girl was more on the heavy side, but I did NOT want to describe her as being heavy, because I would hate to be described that way. I am no stranger to weight issues, myself. "Whaaaat?" you're all saying. Hard to believe, but I swear it's true.

"Hmm, there are a lot of girls here with short blonde hair," phone girl says. But I couldn't think of any other way to describe her. "I'll just tell you some of their names and maybe you'll recognize it," she said. "Was it Sydney?" "YES!" I said. "I think it was Sydney!" Then just to make doubly sure, I came out with, "Is she sort of.......heavier?" There was a long pause and she said slowly, "Yeah.........she....is." I felt like a jerk for saying it, but at least I knew I was going to the right person.

So now I'm getting mah hair did with Sydney, and I tell her I need my blonde toned WAY down, so it won't look so bad when it grows out. She assured me she would and we were having a nice little time with pleasant conversation. We were nearing the end and she was flat-ironing my hair, when suddenly she launches into a long one-sided speech about how she had messed up her knee. It was completely out of the blue. Then she goes, "I keep asking my doctor what exercises I can do that won't hurt my knee, because I'd like to get some of this weight off, but it's really hard to find things that don't hurt. I think I'm going to try swimming......I just got a gym pass....." and on and on and ON about how hard she's trying to lose weight. Then suddenly it hits me, with the Psycho shower scene music/scream playing in my head, that THIS IS THE GIRL I HAD BEEN TALKING TO ON THE PHONE!!!! It was like that ghost story where the babysitter gets all those scary phone calls asking if she's checked the children. Then she finds out that the call is coming from inside the house!! AAAAAGGGHHHH!!! Terrible. Terrible and horrifying.

Then I got home and noticed that my bangs are an even brighter shade of blonde than they were before. JUST MY BANGS.

Touché, fatty. Touché.