Alex gets really dry, cracked hands in the winter. I'm not always super on top of it, because he usually doesn't tell me about it until they're bleeding. And, I used to have this problem when I was younger, so I'm sort of nonchalant about it. Anyway, a couple weeks ago Alex alerted me to his bleeding hands. They looked terrible. He always tells me when we're away from the house and I have no way to take care of it. So later when we got home he told Paul, and Paul got right to work. He grabbed some medicated lotion out of the bathroom cupboard and started slathering it on Alex's hands.
A word about Paul's use of medication - he's not super concerned with the actual purpose of the medicine. If it's "medicated" it just means extra good. For example: he took an ambien for his headache. There are other examples, but - you get the idea.
And now a word on the "medicated lotion" he thought he grabbed. The son of the old guy we bought our house from used to live down the street from us in someone's basement. He was in his late 50's and SUPER creepy. I decided he was for sure a pedophile and always avoided him as much as possible, but Paul befriended him and chatted with him a lot. He had his leg amputated several years ago, and used a prescription lotion on his stump. For some reason he gave a bottle of it to Paul?? Why he did that remains a mystery. Why Paul took it remains a mystery. Also, the fact that I kept it in our cupboard even though it made me shudder every time I saw it, remains a mystery. Why didn't I throw it away?? Gross.
Ok, so now the conclusion to the story. So Paul is slathering what he thinks is stump lotion on Alex's hands and Alex is crying out in pain. I came into the room and saw what was happening. I saw the shape of the medicated lotion and started getting mad at Paul for using a prescription lotion that he didn't even know what the actual purpose was. Paul kept saying, "It's fine! It's just lotion!" Then I picked it up and realized it wasn't even creepy pedophile's lotion, but MY Salex lotion that was prescribed to me for my heels in the summer. Description:
10 comments:
I'm torn between laughing hysterically and crying for Alex. Poor thing! But that's too funny. Pedophile stump lotion...shudder. Tom is also a dork about medicine - sorry Paul - he just doesn't get what things are for. He gets a runny nose and takes sudafed (which makes your nose drain) etc. But Tom just has misguided thoughts about illness in general. One night I turned on the humidifier and he had a freak out because the air was going to make him sick. He woke up with a cold one day and made a Dr's appt for that day (near death and all). What on earth would the DR do for him? I think the Dr told him to wrap a hot towel around his head. (movie trivia)
I wish you'd taken pictures! Poor thing!
My favorite is children, chapped lips and menthol lip balm. What The..?
I gotta admit, the stump lotion just sends an icky shiver down my spine. But hold on to it...Paul might need it one day for that death wish thumb of his.
Poor Alex. But I have to say that the stump lotion turned out better than I thought. When you said stump lotion and that Paul was gonna get mad at you for telling on him, I thought it was a different type of cream. You know the type for small stumpy things. I guess I need to get my mind out of the gutter.
You mean huge stumpy things?
I don't recall why he gave me his lotion. He and I had the strangest conversations of my life.
Once he told me he carried a knife when he went on walks because one time a pit bull attacked him and he put a knife in its skull.
And by the way, the ambien did the trick.
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! That sounds like pure pain. Poor Alex! I'm for sure coming to Mom's so I can see them.
That is a classic story! Sooooooo sad.
When Aaron was 18 months - his face was getting so SO chapped ... long story short ... come to find out - he kept going over to the hand sanitizer pump to get more and more to put on his sore face, because I kept telling him that lotion would help (and he thought the hand-sanitizer was lotion). I about died when I discovered what he was doing. That's probably what was causing the red, dry, sore face in the first place!!!! Oh, I felt like such a fab parent.
Good thing kids are resilient ... and forgiving. :)
So sad! I did not take the right direction with this post though. I am like.....really....there is a prescription I can get for my sandpaper heels? Cool-take mental note of name of it, etc. Sign me up!
Mandi, I would love to be one of your kids for one day. I love your posts.
Mandi, I love your blogs, you are so funny and I love to smile and laugh and I don't get enough of that these days. Keep those blogs coming!!! I sure hope Alex has recovered by now. Get him his own special lotion so he can put it on everyday...I know...I know he would not remember to put it on, but it was a good thought. Love Ya Auntie Cindy. Come to my blog and see the crap I have been going through.One job for 18 years now I am trying for 18 jobs in one year... it sure is hell!!!
Post a Comment