Today's the day I retire from motherhood. Really, this is just nowhere near good. I know we've discussed many a baby + poo story, but I still have to share.Oliver has been pooping nonstop lately. I don't know what his deal is, but it seems like I'm changing a poopy diaper every 15 minutes or so. In addition to this annoyance, my back started hurting today, out of the blue. I thought I'd be tough and exercise anyway, which apparently was not the right decision because all of a sudden I couldn't walk or breathe lest my back cry out in pain. So I took 4 Advil and changed one more poopy diaper as I begged for sweet relief in the form of a couch. I laid down and waited for the medicine to work. I could hear Oliver playing in the kitchen, so I figured he was ok.
Well, about 15 minutes went by and I was starting to feel a little better, and I realized that Oliver had been quiet for a longer time than I felt comfortable with. So I dragged myself in the kitchen to see what he was doing. He was in his usual naughty spot, on top of the table, and when he saw me he held his finger out to me, on which looked like a big chunk of cookie dough, complete with raisin. He said, "daaah?" as he offered it to me. Then I noticed the front of his diaper was open and the other hand was still exploring the contents inside. He had poo/finger streaks all over his stomach and the table was littered with partially digested grape skins. I seriously considered just walking out the door never to return, but instead I ran to get the wipes and wondered what he was going to do with the big chunk of cookie dough on his finger. Luckily I made it back before he decided to eat it. That was some bath he just took. Never been cleaner. But I think I should just burn the table. Why am I not getting paid for this job??
8 comments:
I've had some doozie poo experiences this week too. The worst one was while Mia was supposed to be napping, but instead was saying, "Mommy, look!" I had just passed out on the couch and took my sweet time going up to her room. When I walked in, she had fallen asleep, but there were some strange little pieces of cereal or something all over the floor. Luckily I didn't try to pick one up. I noticed it all over the sheets and crib too and realized she must having been flinging her poo all over the room and proudly called me to come look.
I couldn't handle it just then, so I waited until she woke up 2 hours later to clean it up. It was all crusty and she had a seriously red bum, but I needed some time to digest the fact that I'd be washing ALL her sheets, blankets and stuffed animals for the 3rd time that week. Poo is sick. Especially when you're in the first trimester.
Maybe we should make fake checks for lots of money and send them to each other every 2 weeks. At least it would be SOMETHING.
I haven't had a poo experience for a long time... except for today when Kobe fell in the toilet. haha! He's all "mom I fell in the toilet with my poop!" It was seriously funny for me.
The worst poo time was when Jessie poo'd in Victoria Secrets when I was potty training her. She's just shakin away at her pants until the poo fell out on the floor. I picked it up with my hands and put it in my purse. SICK. I shoulda just walked away.
I'm so tired of poo. Cayden is in the early potty training stages which means he noticed his poo now. So he takes off his diaper full of poo, I exclaim,"NO". He panicks and starts shaking his poo diaper around flings poo pebbles everywhere and at ME. No wonder I find petrified poo every now and then. Seriously Hillary, why do you want a dog? Poo never goes away.
If you get a dog, sometimes they'll eat the poo for you. Their own and the baby's.
I don't remember these kind of horrible poo storied with you guys - maybe you should go back to cloth diapers, safety pins and plastic pants - I think access to the poo is much harder. Might be worth it!
Man, you really aren't getting paid enough for that job. I think Jaime's story takes the cake, Victoria Secrets no less. It reminds me of when Maddie threw up at a convenience store on our way to Lake Powell or somewhere like that, and I'm like, "I wonder who that little girl belongs to? Someone really needs to clean up that mess". I am so spineless.
Heidi - I think you won. Poo is MUCH worse while you're pregnant.
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